Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Jackson Holds A Twitter Q&A, And It's A Fucking Car Accident

First, it was the "I'm looking for a wife" tweet. Now a Twitter Q&A. Tweetdeck couldn't keep up with the number of tweets he received. But, because I'm a nutjob like that, I kept count. Ready? Almost 4 THOUSAND tweets to the rat bastard in the matter of 25 minutes.

He knows what he's doing.

So, while this pile of shit is just getting bigger and bigger on my Tweetdeck, I thought I'd take the best of the tweets sent to him and share them with you here. Because it's what I do. And I'm still unemployed.

You know what? I can't even be mad at this. It's hilarious!

In a foot race? With a rolled up newspaper? o.O

Like a steel drum!

"Pants swell." I'm assuming she's either written or read a shitload of horrible Twilight fan fiction.

Wait. What?

BenMuthaFuckinJohnson. That is all.

I actually wanna know the answer to this. *grabs popcorn*

Never use the words "Douchey" and "Wipe" in the same sentence.

Video or it didn't happen.

I don't even know what to say about this.

Dishes. Mud. Boys. Laundry.

This just one of the many reasons why I adore her. That and she gives a mean pinky finger.

Monty Python FTW!

Sprinkle rose petals, light candles, play soft music, and feed him strawberries.

This. Is. Bloody. Brilliant.

Back off, Phoebe. He's Iris' lobster. Have you not read C, CD?! Oh, wait...

The man can create world peace, but even I doubt he can answer this.

Slytherin. Cuz he'd slyther into the pants of every girl in that house. Oh, snap!

He can, too! Its name is Dean. O_O

Just ask Mumble. And no.

The point when the Q&A turned into an episode of "Singled Out."

Jackson is a method actor. It took years and years of practice. *snicker snort*

What is your obsession with pirates, woman?!

*yells into that megaphoone he couldn't find* This question is why I'm a tree-hugger!

"Hi, there, sexy pants." Cripes. Where's autocorrect when you need it? #BetaForLife

Vomit. He likes vomit for dessert. Vomit.


This is probably the most important question in the world today. Glad someone asked. Seriously.

My boo likes to take hits of speed all day every day. #Shestotallynotkidding

Even if he wasn't, you think it'd matter to him? Don't hate! I'm just keeping it real.

I'm sure this is how so many men end up on Maury. #YouAreTheFather

*blink blink*

No! Of course not! Now, if you'll excuse me, my unicorn is waiting to take me on a date with the Easter Bunny.

Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch, please!

He's just not that into you.

He's neither. He's made up of fluffy clouds and Rob's hair and leprechauns and sparkly rainbows!

That's it. I have actual shit to be doing, but I'm gonna try and find something else like this to keep me from being responsible and actually doing it.

Con Amor Siempre,