Sunday, February 27, 2011

Jackson Won A Razzie, And I Wrote His Acceptance Speech

Last night, I updated JRFB with the news that Jackson won a Razzie for "Worst Supporting Actor" for both The Last Airbender and Eclipse. Because the Razzies are pretty insignificant, I laughed about it. I mean, Sandy won a Razzie last year for All About Steve and then an Oscar the very next night for The Blind Side. The awards aren't voted on by critics or fans, so I take the whole thing with a grain of salt.

And that grain of salt includes an acceptance speech! That's right. I needed a good laugh after yesterday's events, so I rolled with it and tweeted an acceptance speech for Jackson. And here ya go:

For the record, I wish Jackson had shown up. In his Sokka outfit. And cried during his acceptance speech.

"I wanna thank my ponytail, because it drove the ladies crazy. I wanna thank my boomerang for not actually doing anything... *sniffle*"

"But first I must thank God, because I hear that's what rappers do. Big up to my homies cheering for me in the corner. *points to Monkeys*"

"I'd like to thank The Mustaches. Idky, but it's in my contract to thank them. I'd like to thank-- What do you mean I've gone over my time?"

"*being yanked off stage* We have a show in Vancouver on Friday. Make sure you go! I play the harmonica!"

"*2 days later at a press conference* I am here to publicly deny that I slept with any of the Razzies voting members to win my award."

"So what if I smirked at 27 of the 34 female Razzie voting members? I smirk at everyone. Did you not see the TLA photocall in France?"

"I'd just like to put this whole scandal behind me. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a lunch 'meeting' with the committee's VP. *wink*"

Ok, so maybe it was funnier last night. Idk. But there it is. Hopefully this will be Jackson's last Razzie win, and I won't feel the need to write another one of these sick puppies. :P

And I honestly don't think Jackson's losing any sleep over this. He's probably laughing his pretty little ass off about it. Fret not, dear Jacksonites! All is well.

Con Amor Siempre,

P.S. Sandy actually went to the Razzies to accept her award. Click HERE to watch the shortened version go down. She's effin hilarious!